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Bit of a Clock Up*

Went to The Green Minigolf today, my second day of practice in the run up to the British Championship my first minigolf major. Unlike yesterday The Green was deserted, so was able to get some meaningful rounds in. Decided to play a very serious mock British Championship with The Rocket. Despite me trying my best, there was little I could do but watch and admire as The Rocket took me and the course to pieces,  scoring an impressive -27 total.

The Rocket            Clockwork Orange

29                             31

35                             36

31                             37

29                            30

40                           35

Very Long Break

33                           36

28                           34

27 under             13 under

Our 3rd and 5th rounds were heavily affected by G-Man and Crazy Lady respectively, causing us both to lose concentration and shoot higher than we should have.

Interesting stats:

TR hit 10 shots better than me on hole 6.

I was 4 shots better than him on hole 5.

I aced hole 2 in 5/7 rounds.

TR aced hole 1 5/7.

I had 2 aces on hole 13 TR had 1.

TR got through hole 9 first time 7/7 me 5/7.

I got through hole 14 7/7 it missed twice. TR didn’t get up in his final round of 28 having aced it the previous 6 times.

The least amount of shots we managed to drop in any round was 2, the number we both dropped in the first round.

After 4 rounds I was at -10 (The winning score in The Green Open) and TR was at -20.

The course was playing very difficult with holes 12 and 17 refusing to drop. Hole 7 is now nearly impossible to ace unless you get a large slice of luck.

I have plenty more stats but I cannot be bothered to write 95% of the time.

*Not in any way funny this blog. But as a professional minigolfer on the British tour I thought it was quite interesting (as in only interesting for me and TR).

N.B All good minigolfers have to have nicknames which is why I have referred to myself and J**** as such.

The True Meaning of Irony.

Occasionally when I am bored I like to go online, look for people being ridiculous and somewhat bring them up on it in the form of word games/debate.

The Backstory: I found a group called Grammar school students aren’t arrogant, we’re genuinely better than you. the group was full of people making venomous statements not just grammar school students but also comprehensive pupils. I wrote on the wall Perhaps at being arrogant below is what followed.



  • Toby KitchingWell, the fact that we can recognise irony would be my top reason


  • Seth ThomasI would love to find out your other reasons! xxx


  • Toby Kitching read my comment again, look at the name of this group and have a good long think about it.


  • Seth Thomas You’d need the skin of a rhino to even possibly construe it as irony.


  • Tony Kitching how so? The point of the group is that the statement itself is extremely arrogant, which is an ironic joke. The only trouble we’re having is hoardes of people not getting it and trying to start flame wars.


  • Seth Thomas‎*hordes Perhaps, I should not have reacted to the flame bait. But if the statement is meant to be ironic, am I to take it that the opposite is true? They are arrogant and not better?


  • Seth ThomasYou may have noticed I was using Socratic irony. It is a paradoxical statement not an ironic joke.


The huge irony in this exchange, was that here was a child making a point about grammar school students being able to recognise irony where he heavily implied students from other types of schools are not able to. When in fact he recognised a statement as ironic when it most clearly was not. Showing an evident misunderstanding of the intricacies of irony. Oh the irony!


And so we move onto the post heading. The True Meaning of Irony.

Surely the true meaning of irony is when a child boasts about his mocking of another child for being arrogant. I laugh just thinking about it.



P.S For those clever so and so’s among you who know irony inside out. You will be aware that what I described as the true meaning of irony is not in fact ironic. Which is itself ironic, on account of me mocking him for not understanding irony as earlier explained and then going on to show through my last statement that I had misunderstood the meaning of irony.

I thus created a paradoxical statement, it being not ironic yet ironic.

Flipping heck, irony is complicated.



I would like to thank Wikipedia for services rendered in the creation of this post, my knowledge of irony is now far wider than it will ever need to be.

Losing touch with myself.

A couple of days ago I was online buying various sauces and also some confectionery from a wholesaler. However when it came to checking out, my payment would not go through. I did not think much of it at the time presuming it must be just an age or member thing. The day after that though, I used the same card when trying to purchase a train ticket to Hither Green to practise my minigolf and again my card was declined. Having tried it in several different cash points it only then, finally dawned on me.


My card had clearly been blocked. I knew there was only one possible reason my card would have been blocked and the answer was quite ridiculous, minigolf. You see only recently I had bought lots of minigolf balls from ebay, clearly my bank had thought it odd that I had sent tonnes of money to Switzerland and had taken action. Ridiculous as I said, what is odd with sending large amounts of money to Switzerland! Perhaps, they thought I was changing bank?

As of yet, I have not got around to informing Santander of their mistake, though I look forward to the bank tellers face when I tell them why I sent all that money off.